Wisconsin Town Votes to Replace Currency with Blocks of Cheddar: Welcome to Cheeseville
In what many are calling “cheesy” the small town of Curd Junction has officially abandoned the U.S. dollar, opting to use blocks of cheddar cheese as currency. What started as a quirky festival gimmick has spiraled into a local economic meltdown that’s as bizarre as it is hilarious—and a little terrifying.
A Cheesy Proposal Gone Wrong
Mayor Burt “Big Cheese” Mulligan pitched the idea during the town’s annual Cheese Fest, claiming it would “put Curd Junction on the map.” The crowd, drunk on beer and cheese curds, cheered him on, never expecting he’d actually go through with it. Within weeks, city officials passed the Cheese Legal Tender Act, and suddenly, everything from gas to rent had to be paid in cheddar.
Local bank manager Carla Spindle admitted she thought it was a joke at first. “Then people started showing up with coolers full of cheese, demanding to open accounts. Now my vault smells like a deli counter, and we’ve had four break-ins this week alone.”
Cheddar Chaos Hits the Streets
The cheese economy has turned life in Curd Junction into a dystopian dairy nightmare. Grocery stores are charging inflated “cheese taxes,” desperate families are hoarding sharp cheddar like gold bars, and a thriving black market has emerged, dealing in exotic varieties like gouda and brie.
“It’s anarchy out there,” said one local, clutching a stack of pepper jack slices like it was his last meal. “Yesterday, I saw a guy trade his car for a wheel of aged parmesan. A CAR.”
Big Cheese, Bigger Problems
Meanwhile, Mayor Mulligan has leaned into his newfound fame, even appearing on national talk shows to defend his policy. “Cheddar has real value—more than that paper monopoly money,” he argued on Good Morning America. But back in Curd Junction, his approval ratings are melting faster than a grilled cheese sandwich.
A protest group calling themselves the “Anti-Dairy Coalition” has formed, marching through town in lactose-free solidarity. Their chants of “Cheese is not change!” have sparked violent clashes with pro-cheese extremists, who call themselves “The Cult of Curd.”
Wisconsin Town Votes To Replace Currency With Cheddar Blocks — Welcome To Cheeseville USA
Experts Weigh In
Economists are baffled by the situation. “It’s like a joke got out of hand,” said Dr. Pauline Whey, an expert in agricultural economics. “Cheese is perishable. This isn’t sustainable unless everyone installs industrial-grade refrigeration.”
Even the local cows seem unimpressed. “We’re being milked dry—literally,” one farmer lamented. “They’re treating Bessie like an ATM.”
The Future Looks Moldy
As the nation watches this cheddar-fueled circus unfold, one question remains: how long before the whole town crumbles like feta under pressure? Residents are already bracing for what they’re calling the “Cheese Depression.”
Until then, Curd Junction remains a cautionary tale for towns everywhere: never let the mayor make decisions after four pints of beer and a cheese plate.
Legal Disclaimer: The contents of this article are entirely fictional and for satirical purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, people, entities, or absurdly outdated laws is purely coincidental—or, at best, a reflection of the author's well-developed sense of irony. By reading this, you implicitly agree to forfeit all rights to common sense and logic in interpreting this article.