The trouble began when local councilman Rick Delaney introduced the “No Fruit on Dough Act,” claiming that pineapple on pizza was an “affront to his Italian-American heritage.” Delaney’s rants about “preserving the sanctity of the slice” went viral, gaining traction among purist pizza lovers while enraging the town’s vocal pro-pineapple faction. The town council voted 4-3 in favor of the ban.

The small town of Curd Junction has officially abandoned the U.S. dollar, opting to use blocks of cheddar cheese as currency. What started as a quirky festival gimmick has spiraled into a local economic meltdown that’s as bizarre as it is hilarious. Mayor Burt “Big Cheese” Mulligan pitched the idea during the town’s annual Cheese Fest, claiming it would “put Curd Junction on the map.”

The number one thing people are searching isn’t groundbreaking science or global news. It’s moldy, old cheese. Experts believe this speaks to a collective fear of wasting food, but conspiracy theorists have a different take. “Big Cheese is tracking these searches to sell us more expensive ‘organic’ blocks. It’s all part of the lactose lobby’s plan to control our minds—and our bowels.”