In a bold and baffling experiment to address reckless driving, the small town in Massachusetts, has implemented invisible traffic lights—yes, invisible—as part of their “Vision Zero” traffic safety initiative. Officials claim the move forces drivers to “listen to their inner moral compass” instead of relying on pesky visual signals. Unsurprisingly, the results have been catastrophic.

In a twist that no one saw coming, Harvard University has announced that it will shutter its classrooms indefinitely, citing "low enrollment" and a “cultural shift away from being annoyingly overqualified.” Students who once dreamed of sipping coffee in Harvard Yard have been priced out by the university’s on-campus cafés, where a single oat milk latte now costs $100 and it’s not even organic.