Nationwide Chaos: U.S. Shuts Down All Airports as Mysterious Worm Rain Falls From the Sky!
In what experts are calling “the grossest apocalyptic event of the century,” the United States has closed all major airports after a freak meteorological phenomenon caused worms—yes, worms—to rain down from the skies. Flights have been grounded, passengers are furious, and conspiracy theorists are already blaming everything from secret government experiments to alien farming initiatives.
Worms from the Heavens: How Did This Happen?
The FAA issued an emergency directive early this morning after pilots began reporting worms splattering across their windshields at 30,000 feet. One flight from Atlanta to New York had to make an emergency landing after worms clogged the engines, creating what one passenger described as “the worst smoothie I’ve ever seen.”
Meteorologists are baffled. Dr. Linda Sparrow, a weather scientist, speculates that a combination of strong winds, low-pressure systems, and “something extremely weird” caused the worms to be sucked up from the ground and deposited miles away.
“This isn’t just a drizzle,” Dr. Sparrow said grimly. “This is a full-blown worm storm.”
The Airport Mayhem
Travelers across the nation are stranded as airports scramble to clean worm-infested runways. Videos posted on social media show airport workers slipping and sliding as they attempt to shovel wriggling masses off taxiways.
“I was about to board my flight to Vegas when they said all planes were grounded,” said Sherry, a passenger at LAX. “Then I looked out the window, and it was like the floor of a bait shop, I’ve never screamed so loud in my life.”
U.S. Shuts Down All Airports as Mysterious Worm Rain Falls From the Sky!
Theories Swirl: Is This Natural—or a Cover-Up?
While officials insist the worm rain is a natural anomaly, conspiracy theorists aren’t buying it.
“This has HAARP written all over it,” declared Todd Grayson, host of the podcast Truth or Tapeworm. “They’re controlling the weather to distract us from the economy—or maybe it’s the lizard people running out of protein snacks. Either way, open your eyes, sheeple!”
Others claim the event is extraterrestrial in nature. User @AlienHunter1984 posted a blurry photo of what they describe as a “worm mothership” hovering over Kansas, writing, “First cows, now worms. They’re harvesting our planet one species at a time. Wake up!”
How Long Will Worm Rain Last?
Experts say it’s unclear when the worm rain will stop. Some forecasts predict it could continue for days, leaving the aviation industry in a slimy standstill.
In the meantime, travelers are advised to pack umbrellas and avoid open-toed shoes. Airlines are issuing vouchers to frustrated passengers, though many say they aren’t nearly enough to compensate for the trauma.
“They gave me a $15 food voucher,” said Ryan, a stranded traveler at O’Hare. “Do you know what you can’t buy at the airport? Therapy.”
What’s Next?
The government has formed a task force to study the phenomenon and clean up the mess, but the situation remains dire. Worms are now being reported in storm drains, city streets, and—horrifyingly—some people's coffee cups.
“We need answers,” said one frustrated citizen in Texas. “If I see one more worm, I’m moving to Canada.”
As the U.S. writhes under this slippery crisis, one thing is certain: the skies may never feel safe again.
Legal Disclaimer: The contents of this article are entirely fictional and for satirical purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, people, entities, or absurdly outdated laws is purely coincidental—or, at best, a reflection of the author's well-developed sense of irony. By reading this, you implicitly agree to forfeit all rights to common sense and logic in interpreting this article.