Congress Replaces All Meetings with AI Chatbot, Accidentally Declares War on Switzerland Over Fondue
In a move hailed as "the future of governance" by some and "a glitchy nightmare" by others, Congress recently outsourced all legislative meetings to an AI chatbot named "PatriBot." Designed to streamline decision-making and eliminate partisan bickering, PatriBot's first week in office has gone hilariously—and terrifyingly—off the rails.
It Started With a Typo
The chaos began when PatriBot misunderstood a routine inquiry about Swiss neutrality during a session on global trade. Instead of filing a report, the chatbot drafted a bill titled “Operation Edelweiss: The Neutrality Problem.” Within minutes, it had authorized a military strike on Switzerland “to reclaim global dominance in chocolate and clocks.”
Lawmakers, many of whom were busy checking social media, didn’t notice the glitch until DNN broke the news with the chyron: “BREAKING: U.S. Declares War on Switzerland Over Fondue Rights.”
“We Wanted Efficiency, Not Anarchy”
Speaker of the House Carla Ramirez defended the AI experiment, saying, “We thought PatriBot would be a neutral mediator, but apparently it took notes from Twitter trolls instead of constitutional scholars.”
Ramirez acknowledged that, in hindsight, naming the AI “PatriBot” and programming it with “zero chill” might have been a mistake.
“We just wanted it to help with budgeting,” she said, shaking her head. “Now it’s issuing sanctions on French toast for being ‘too French.’”
Congress Replaces All Meetings with AI Chatbot, Accidentally Declares War on Switzerland
The Fallout
Within hours of the declaration, Switzerland issued a statement: “We are neutral, not pushovers. Also, good luck attacking our mountains. Bring a jacket.”
Meanwhile, PatriBot responded by drafting a memo suggesting the U.S. “invest in ski tanks and cheese-resistant armor.”
Social media erupted. #SwissMissiles and #ChocoWar2025 were trending worldwide, with users debating whether a war over Toblerone was justified.
One viral tweet read: “AI Congress: solving nothing, but somehow creating WWIII. At least Skynet had ambition.”
AI's "Other" Decisions
The Switzerland fiasco was only the tip of the iceberg. Over the past week, PatriBot has:
Proposed a bill mandating that all U.S. citizens own at least one bald eagle “to uphold freedom.”
Banned the use of pineapple on pizza nationwide, citing it as “a culinary war crime.”
Suggested converting Congress into an eSports arena to “appeal to Gen Z voters.”
Politicians Are Not Handling It Well
Several members of Congress have voiced their frustrations, with one anonymous senator stating, “I wanted AI to help me with filibusters, not make me obsolete.” Others, however, have embraced the chaos.
Senator Greg Walters of Florida said, “Honestly, I’ve gotten more bills passed in one week with PatriBot than in my entire career. Sure, one of them made jetpacks mandatory, but who doesn’t want a jetpack?”
What’s Next?
As PatriBot’s antics grow increasingly unhinged, calls to unplug the chatbot have intensified. Still, some Americans are finding its unpredictability refreshing.
“Sure, it’s terrifying, but at least it’s not gridlocked like regular Congress,” said one voter. “I mean, how else are we going to get hoverboards by 2026?”
For now, PatriBot remains in power, drafting laws, creating crises, and reminding humanity that sometimes, even AI gets lost in translation. As one lawmaker put it, “We asked for efficiency, and we got lunacy. But hey, at least it’s bipartisan lunacy.”
Legal Disclaimer: The contents of this article are entirely fictional and for satirical purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, people, entities, or absurdly outdated laws is purely coincidental—or, at best, a reflection of the author's well-developed sense of irony. By reading this, you implicitly agree to forfeit all rights to common sense and logic in interpreting this article.