Bare on the Slopes: Park City Ski Resort Launches Nude Night Skiing, Sparks Outrage and Frostbite
In what might be the riskiest tourism stunt since someone tried to combine skydiving with flamethrowers, Park City Heights Ski Resort in the heart of Park City, Utah, has officially announced its newest offering: Nude Night Skiing. The resort, already famous for its luxury chalets and après-ski parties, is now turning heads—quite literally—by letting thrill-seekers hit the slopes wearing nothing but ski boots and courage.
The Skiing You Never Wanted to Picture
According to Park City Heights Ski Resort’ promotional materials, “Freezing and freeing—experience the slopes like never before!” The resort is marketing this as the ultimate “back-to-nature” experience, but many locals and seasoned skiers are calling it something else entirely: insane.
“It’s hard enough skiing fully dressed without feeling like your limbs are going to freeze off,” said one concerned skier. “Now they want us to do it... naked? Who’s paying for these frostbite hospital bills?”
The first trial run took place last week under the cover of moonlight. About 30 participants dared to bare all, descending the Bunny Slopes (unfortunately named) in nothing but scarves and, in some cases, strategically placed fanny packs.
What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Skeptics of the new venture have pointed out several glaring issues:
Hypothermia Risk: Even with heated lifts, temperatures can plunge well below freezing. Early reports suggest that at least three skiers ended their runs with mild frostbite in "delicate areas."
Visibility Concerns: Reflective surfaces mean that nude skiers could accidentally blind one another with a particularly well-placed moonbeam.
Unwanted Photographers: Despite the resort’s promise to ban cameras and drones during nude hours, TikTok videos of the event have already surfaced online, featuring everything from mid-slope wipeouts to unexpected... flapping.
One viral post from the trial summed it up perfectly: “Nothing says ‘romantic getaway’ like sliding into a tree, naked, in front of strangers.”
U.S. Ski Resort Launches Nude Night Skiing, Sparks Outrage & Frostbite
Mixed Reactions from the Public
As expected, social media exploded with reactions. Twitter has been ablaze with commentary:
“Nude skiing? Bold of you to assume my body will survive a chairlift ride without three layers of fleece.”
“I tried skiing naked once—does falling down repeatedly count as pole dancing?”
“Nothing screams ‘America’ more than combining frostbite and exhibitionism. Park City, you’ve done it.”
While some adventurous thrill-seekers are flocking to book tickets, others are downright horrified. A local parents’ group has already started a petition titled, “Save Our Slopes: Stop the Madness!”
“This is supposed to be a family-friendly destination,” one outraged parent wrote in the petition’s comments. “Now I have to explain to my kids why Uncle Bob was spotted skiing down the mountain wearing nothing but a helmet and a smile.”
Why Nude Night Skiing?
Resort executives say the idea came from their younger marketing team, who described it as “the ultimate influencer experience.” Resort spokesperson Karen Frost explained, “Millennials and Gen Z travelers are always looking for something unique to post. A photo of them naked on a slope with the hashtag #SnowNudistAdventure? That’s free advertising!”
The Real Danger: Slippery Logistics
Beyond frostbite, the resort has had to tackle other unique challenges. For instance, it turns out bare skin doesn’t glide well on icy snow. To combat this, they’ve added extra padding along key sections of the trails—but even that didn’t save one unfortunate skier who slid down half the mountain after losing control.
Worse, staff have had to deal with a sudden spike in lost items, such as abandoned gloves and other personal effects.
“Let’s just say the Lost and Found has gotten... weird,” confessed a staff member, holding up a single fur-lined boot and a pair of neon-pink earmuffs.
What’s Next?
Despite the controversy, Nude Night Skiing appears to be gaining traction, with bookings skyrocketing among thrill-seekers. The resort has already hinted at expanding its offerings to include a “Bare Biathlon” and a “Naked Halfpipe Competition.”
For now, the rest of the world watches Park City, Utah with a mix of curiosity, horror, and the faint hope that someone will at least remember to wear sunscreen. Because if the cold doesn’t get you, the frostbitten tan lines will.
Stay tuned—this story is developing faster than a naked skier on a double black diamond.
Legal Disclaimer: The contents of this article are entirely fictional and for satirical purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, people, entities, or absurdly outdated laws is purely coincidental—or, at best, a reflection of the author's well-developed sense of irony. By reading this, you implicitly agree to forfeit all rights to common sense and logic in interpreting this article.