Florida has passed an emergency law banning pornography, citing “moral decay” to protect American “family values.” The law, titled “The Wipe My Screen & Keyboard Clean Act,” has sparked outrage and confusion. However, critics are questioning the sudden pivot to Puritanism, especially given the state’s colorful political history of porking prostitutes. What’s next? Banning bikinis on South Beach?

In a headline ripped straight from a horror movie, Miami residents were sent into a frenzy after reports of “zombie alligators” roaming the beaches began flooding social media. The phenomenon, which locals have dubbed Gatorgeddon, has left authorities baffled, tourists terrified, and Floridians... mildly amused. Some believe the gators are feasting on meth-laced water from a drug dump gone wrong.