The US has reportedly dismantled the Panama Canal and airlifted it piece by piece back to American soil. Officials say the audacious operation, code-named “Operation Canal Grab,” was carried out under the cover of darkness using a fleet of giant helicopters borrowed from Elon Musk’s secret SpaceX inventory. “We built it; we’re taking it back,” announced Secretary of Infrastructure Bobby Biggs.

Mexico has become the epicenter of a taco mystery. Reports are flooding in from tourists and locals claiming that a taco vendor is serving up more than just delicious food—he’s dishing out hallucinations. The chaos began when an American tourist, Trevor Williams, posted a TikTok video from a street taco stand in Tijuana. In the now-viral video, he took one bite and immediately began screaming.