BREAKING: America Moves Its Capital to Anchorage, Alaska—Here’s Why the Whole Country Is Freaking Out

In a decision that has left Washington, D.C., residents clutching their Starbucks cups in disbelief, Congress has announced the relocation of the US capital to Anchorage, Alaska. America's political heart is moving to the land of moose and bears. The move, dubbed “Operation Frosty Freedom,” is set to begin next year, and officials say it’s “a bold step toward decentralizing government power.”